It’s no secret that I can be kind of a negative person. When I’m talking about my day, I tend to focus on the negative aspects. It’s not like I’m meaning to be a downer, it’s just so easy to remember the things that irritate me. I think part of that comes from living in a world where people try to out-complain each other. It’s never people fighting over who had the best roommate or who’s boyfriend is the sweetest, but rather who drives the jankiest car or who’s job sucks the most. It’s almost like we’re all fighting over some grand prize for who has to live the worst life, yet no one actually wants to have the worst life. I’ve been sucked into this vortex for too long so this is me trying to claw my way into a life boat. That life boat is gratitude.

If I spend more time thinking about all the things I’m grateful for throughout my day instead of all the things that could win me the “Worst Life” award, my thought process will start to change and I’ll become a more positive person (at least that’s the theory). What better month to do that than the month of Thanksgiving. So to start me off, here is what I was truly grateful for today: the struggles I’ve had with going to church.

I was recently called to be a ward missionary and a big part of what we do is visit less active members to see where they stand with the church and what they want to do in regards to the ward. Some of them aren’t interested at all, some of them just don’t know what’s going on, and some of them want to come but are just having a hard time getting started. This last group is one I feel like I could really help. I struggle with YSA wards and this one in particular (having an ex in the ward just makes things that much more stressful) and have only recently started going to my ward the past 2 weeks (whoop whoop!). I know what it’s like to want to be involved, but have a lot of anxiety about getting started. For me it was hard not knowing anyone, feeling like an outsider, and not wanting to go to everything alone. Because I know what that feels like I know where to start helping others that feel that same way. I can relate to them in a way other ward missionaries might not be able to because church has always been easy for them. The girl we visited today seemed to be a lot like me in many ways and because of what I’ve experienced, I feel like I have a better understanding of how to help her. God didn’t give me the trial of what had led me to be less active in my ward, I made the choices that led to that all on my own, but He is using my experience as a tool to help His other children who are going through what I went through. He is drawing light out of the darkness in the way only He can.